He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
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Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The beer is more important than you right now.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
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He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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