Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.