im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.