I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
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I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé