we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
