ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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