You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
