About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
