Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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