So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
