I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
