Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
