The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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