I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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