I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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