Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize