I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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