the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
