Cold hands, warm shart.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
