his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
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He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
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I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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