Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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