my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
