After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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