I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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