The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
