we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
