i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize