Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.