This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
