Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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