she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
