Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize