My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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