brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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