Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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