Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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