My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
