today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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