I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
