wakey wakey hands off snakey
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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