Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
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I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
And then he peed in my hair
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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