Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
