Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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