Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize