There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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