I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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