and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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