I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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