Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
