it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize