he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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