I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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