Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
